Brushing your teeth and flossing are a huge waste of time. So much time is spent on flossing and brushing, as traditional dental wisdom says to spend an entire two minutes on brushing- not once, but TWICE- every day, and another couple of minutes flossing… unbelievable! It brings to mind a phrase the internet made so popular: “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Teeth really aren’t that important, and spending five or ten minutes a day on cleaning them is a really huge inconvenience. If your teeth aren’t hurting, just leave them alone… follow the old advice: “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” If one hurts, it can always be pulled out, and in some cases we can pull out the handy old drill and fill it. If they all fall out, you can just get dentures. Modern dentures are pretty nifty. And some cool and successful people wore dentures. George Washington wore dentures. Everybody loves George Washington. James Dean wore a bridge. James. Dean. See!? Dentures = Totally Cool.
Anyway, you are sure to have some toothbrushes and/or toothpaste sitting around, and possibly also some floss and mouthwash… and you are probably looking forward to going home and chunking all that junk in the trash, but WAIT – don’t throw them out! Here are some excellent uses for those otherwise needless products:
- Toothbrushes are great for cleaning around tight spaces in the house, like the grout between tile and around faucets and fixtures.
- Toothpaste is an excellent silver polish, removing tarnish and making it shiny again!
- Toothpaste can clean the foggy plastic on your headlights and turn them back to clear.
- Floss is great for cutting cakes! Just use unflavored, not a mint one.
- Floss can be used as a thread substitute in a pinch to hem pants or sew up a split seam.
- Floss makes a great make-shift restraint. To tie someone up with it, you probably need to take a large quantity and braid it all together to make a sort of floss rope. (This is why prisons do not allow floss.)
- Mouthwash is a great glass cleaner!
If you made it this far and haven’t realized it yet… it’s April 1st! You all knew we were joking right? All that stuff about teeth not being important and oral care a huge waste of time… come on! We LOVE clean healthy teeth and the wonderful things they do for us, like chew our food, help us pronounce certain sounds properly, and keep our faces from looking sunken in. And we love toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss and mouthwash and all the ways that they help us keep our teeth bright, shiny, healthy, and clean. Please, please keep caring for your teeth… this was all for a chuckle, kind of like the “news” over at The Onion!
That said… all the above bullet points are actually based on real household tips and life hacks that circulate the internet. So if you are in a bind with some urgent need to polish up some silver really quickly without making a trip to the store to get silver polish, but you happen to find yourself with an abundance of toothpaste, you could give it a try. Or maybe if you find some expired toothpaste lying around that you might otherwise throw out…. you know… use some common sense, or at least google up some anecdotal experience on such things!
Happy April Fools Day from Mall of Georgia Dentistry, where smiles are our specially… we’re sure you were not fooled, but we do hope this put a smile on your face this Monday morning 🙂
*Disclaimer: Though Mall of Georgia Dentistry is excited to express a sense of humor, let’s just reiterate that brushing and flossing daily, visiting your dentist and dental hygienist for regular cleanings, and taking all efforts to maintain healthy teeth is highly advised at all times for the utmost quality of life!